


I Am Still The Same

by louiscontroll



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Blackmail, Break Up, Cheating, Cutting, Depression, Established Relationship, F/F, Fights, Hate, Kidnapping, Really dark, Self Harm, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-01-29
Packaged: 2018-01-10 11:19:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louiscontroll/pseuds/louiscontroll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ally Brooke and Normani Kordei have been dating for a long time now, but when management decides to hire a fake boyfriend for Normani, the couple come out in a spur of the moment decision - and it turns out to be the worst thing they could have done. <br/>Please read the tags for warnings, there are a lot of them!<br/>Title from "Who Are You" by Fifth Harmony.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

“You ready to get up, baby?” Normani whispered, her voice still heavy with sleep.

 

“Mani…,” Ally groaned, rolling over and moving farther into Normani’s arms for warmth. “Do we have to?”

“Sorry, Allycat,” Normani replied, tucking Ally’s head into her neck. “Wish we could stay here all day…”

“Mhm,” Ally agreed, sighing. 

“Ally! Normani! Are you still sleeping in there?!” Camila yelled from the other section of their tour bus. 

“We’ll be…up…soon,” Ally called back, trying to fight the sleep in her tone. “I hope.”

“C’mon! We’ve got a meeting with management!” Lauren yelled, always being the organized one. 

“We’ll be there!” Normani promised, reluctantly letting go of Ally’s body. “Maybe.”

“Mani…,” Ally groaned. “I’m cold now!”

“Sorry, baby,” Normani sighed, genuinely sad that she had to let Ally go. Already tired of being deprived of her love, she reached out a hand and let Ally take it, pulling her up and off the bed in one swift motion. 

“Omph!” Ally let out a small cry as she was hoisted up, but then she laughed, giving Normani a quick kiss before going to get ready for the day. 

Finally, the two made it to where the rest of the band was sitting. “So the lovebirds have arrived!” Camila cheered, talking unnecessarily loudly. 

“What, did you think we’d just abandon you?” Normani scoffed, sitting down and shoving a muffin in her mouth. 

“Well, you two have a pretty good gig going on…,” Lauren said, teasing them. 

Ally let out a pretend cry of shock and slapped Lauren lightly on the arm. “Hey, hey!” Dinah protested, coming in between the two. “I hate to be the sensible one-”

“Yeah, Dinah, that’s my job!” Lauren interrupted. 

“-but we need to see management. C’mon, dawgs,” Dinah finished, opening the door of the bus and holding it open majestically. “After you all, of course.” 

“Oh, well, thank you, Cheechee,” Camila laughed, spinning dramatically before skipping out of the bus. Normani laughed so hard she nearly snorted out muffin while Lauren just shook her head. 

“What kind of band am I in?” Lauren asked, but she was laughing, and she excited the bus, Normani and Ally following close behind. The five all got into a single car and were driven to the studio as they continued to laugh like maniacs over stupid and silly things. 

Finally, they all arrived at the studio where their management team was waiting. Normani made sure to keep a tight grip on Ally’s hand as they were led into one of the back rooms, where none other than Simon Cowell was waiting. 

“Simon!” they all exclaimed, giving him hugs and smiles as they sat down across from him. 

“Hello, girls,” he greeted them. “It’s good to see you.”

“Been awhile,” Normani agreed, still holding onto Ally. 

“Yes,” he sighed. “Yes, it has.”

“What is it?” Lauren asked immediately, picking up that something was wrong. Simon never liked to say bad things outright, contrary to popular belief. “Is it bad?”

“Normani, Ally,” Simon began, avoiding Lauren’s question, “We all know about your relationship, as does management.”

“They’re not too happy about it,” Normani muttered under her breath as Ally squeezed her hand tighter. 

“And you’re not out to the public eye yet,” Simon continued. “Well…management wants to keep it that way.”

Ally took a breath before saying, “Isn’t that what we’re doing?”

“People are getting suspicious,” he sighed, reclining slightly. “Fifth Harmony is top of the charts right now. You’re immensely popular, yet Normani and Ally still remain single. Vicious rumours are spreading. We have to stop them.”

“Tell me this isn’t going where I think it’s going,” Normani said slowly, letting the words sink in properly. 

“I’m sorry, but we’ve hired someone to be Normani’s boyfriend.”

The world seemed to stop moving for a few seconds and Normani’s breath hitched in her chest. Ally let out a small gasp, clutching Normani’s hand like she thought Normani would let go. “I can’t do that,” Normani said after she’d collected herself. 

“It’s not my decision to make,” Simon apologized. “If I could, I would let you both be together in public.”

“I can’t pretend to love someone!” Normani protested. “It’s not fair to Ally.” 

“What about me?” Ally asked in a small voice. “Am I going to have to have a fake boyfriend?”

“Too suspicious if you both found one at the same time,” he replied. 

“Look,” Lauren said, speaking up for the first time, “This isn’t right. I understand where you’re coming from, Simon, but…they’re right. It’s not fair to either of them.”

“Yeah,” Dinah spoke up. “They’re in love. Can’t the public know that?”

Simon sighed again, biting his lip. “I wish. I really do.”

“I think I have to leave,” Normani said, shaking her head and standing up. “I’m sorry. I can’t…this isn’t…” Before she could continue stuttering, Normani turned and practically ran out of the room and out the back door of the studio, pressing her back against the wall, letting the wind bite at her skin. No paparazzi was around - the back of the building was completely closed off. She was all alone. 

Until Ally joined her, grabbing her hand again and pulling them down so they sat against the building’s rough wall. “Hey,” Ally whispered, tucking her head into Normani’s chest, “Are you okay?”

“Sorry,” Normani whispered, letting her head rest against the wall. “I just…I can’t do this, Allycat. I can’t hide anymore.”

Ally nodded slightly, pursing her lips before saying, “What if we don’t?”

“What do you mean?” 

“What if we just…come out?”

There was a short pause as Normani mulled the idea over in her mind. “Can we do that?”

“Who can stop us?” Ally sat up, grabbing both of Normani’s hands and staring into her eyes. “We’ll do it tonight. In a twit cam. Nobody has to know. It’ll be fine.”

“Are you ready to do that?” Normani said quietly, gazing into Ally’s eyes. 

Ally smiled, a small, bright smile. “Always.”

The other three girls ran out after that, relaxing noticeably when they saw Normani and Ally were okay. “You scared us!” Camila cried, kneeling down and practically tackling the two. “Don’t run away like that.”

“Girls,” Normani said, trying to breathe even though Camila was crushing her, “What do you say about a twit cam tonight?”

Lauren’s eyebrows narrowed before realization dawned on her face. “Yeah. Sure. I’ll tweet about it.”

Ally’s hand held onto Normani’s even tighter, and even though Normani would never let go again, she couldn’t help but fear what was to come tonight. 


	2. Chapter Two

“We want to thank you guys for tuning in,” Normani began, staring into the camera, biting her lip nervously. 

 

Ally nodded, casting her eyes between Normani and the thousands of fans watching. “I suppose you’re wondering where the other girls are.”

There was a moment of silence before Normani continued, “They decided it was best for us to do this alone. We’ve got something really important to tell you guys, something we should’ve done a long time ago.”

A few comments came scrolling along the bottom of the screen, stuff like are you dying, or is there a new album, and even a couple saying Normally is real! Those last ones made them both smile. “Well,” Ally said, trying to look happy for the fans, “I suppose there’s only one way to say this, and that’s outright.”

“You’re sure?” Normani confirmed, one last time. Once they did this, there was no going back. It could be the best decision of their lives - or the worst. 

“I’m sure,” Ally agreed, clasping her fingers through Normani’s. 

“Well,” Normani said, turning her eyes back to the screen, “Ally and I…we’re together. I’m lesbian, Ally’s bisexual. And we’re going out. We have been for some time now, and we didn’t tell you because…because maybe it wasn’t the right time.” As much as she wanted to blame management, she couldn’t put the band in more jeopardy than it already was. 

There was silence as the comments came pouring in, thousands upon thousands of them. The two couldn’t even speak - the realization of what they’d just done hadn’t quite sunk in yet. Ally just rubbed her thumb along Normani’s palm, and Normani squeezed Ally’s hand, calming the both of them. 

The comments seemed mostly supportive, but there were a few hateful ones; although, the two had expected those. “So, just thank you guys,” Ally finished. “For everything. We’re glad we don’t have to hide anymore. Thank you, and bye for now!”

They shut the twit cam off and just sat there for a solid five minutes. 

“Do you want to go to bed?” Normani asked slowly once she was able to talk. Her heart was racing and there was a rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins. Everyone knew who they were now. There was no hiding. 

“Yeah,” Ally whispered, still staring straight ahead. “Yeah, okay.”

***

The blinding rays of the morning sun woke Normani from sleep, causing the memory of the night before to come rushing back. She reached out groggily, trying to find Ally, but she wasn’t there - instead, Normani’s arms were met with tangled, empty sheets. “Allycat?” Normani called, rubbing her eyes and sitting up. 

Ally was sitting on the floor, about two steps from the bed, her phone in her hand and her eyes red with tears. “Ally?” Normani asked again, getting out of the bed and sitting down in front of Ally. “Ally, c’mon, talk to me.”

Ally lifted her head only when Normani clasped her hand on the older girl’s cheek. “Mani, what if we did the wrong thing?” Her voice was shaky and hoarse, causing Normani’s heart to tear in two. 

“Baby, what do you mean?” Even though she asked the question, Normani knew exactly what was going on. 

“There’s so much hate,” Ally whispered, her hands shaking. “So many people hate us now…why? Did we do something wrong?”

“Hey, hey!” Normani said, forcing Ally to look at her. Gently, the younger girl took the phone from Ally’s hand, placing it on the ground. “Allycat, we’ve done everything right.”

“But-”

“It doesn’t matter what people think,” Normani interrupted. She wouldn’t be able to bear hearing more negative thoughts from Ally. “We’re role models now. By showing that we’re not afraid, we’re helping other people like us realize that being different is okay, teaching them to embrace it.”

Ally didn’t say anything after that. Instead, she just put her head into Normani’s chest and listened to her breathe. “Okay,” she finally said. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Normani said immediately. She could hear Ally’s phone going off as more messages came in. As tempted as she was, Normani didn’t look at them, but she wasn’t sure how long it would be before she did.

***

“I’m gonna go for a walk,” Ally called, unlocking the door to their hotel. Their bus had been parked for a few days, as they were performing in one venue for three consecutive nights. “Be back in an hour.”

“See you soon!” Normani called from somewhere inside the room, and Ally shut the door behind her, smiling as she plugged in her headphones. It had been three days since her breakdown because of the hate, and Ally would like to say she was over it. Sure, she still got hateful remarks, sometimes even in person, but the response had been mostly positive. Several influential celebrities had also reacted positively, saying this was a sign for a greater change in human perception.

Since no one knew she was going out, there weren’t any paparazzi around. A few people passing her did a double-take, like they suspected she was someone they’d seen, but she didn’t get mobbed. It was a nice change. 

The sky was already dark, something she wasn’t used to either. It was December the 15th, and the days here were incredibly short. She should really go back soon. 

She reached a crossroads, between an alleyway and the main road. She knew she should use the main road, but the alleyway gave her a shortcut back. She’d been gone for a while - Normani would be worried. It was getting dark, and she didn’t want to be outside for too much longer. It was a fairly nice neighbourhood. So, she made the split decision to take the shortcut, even though there was nobody around. 

Her music was playing too loudly for her to hear the footsteps turning the corner with her. 

A slight chill crept up Ally’s back, and fear began to set in. She had an odd feeling like she was being watched, so she tore out her ear buds and listened, but there were no sounds. Shaking her head, she was sure she was being paranoid, but to make sure, she turned around slowly, feeling the cold wind on her face and-

Someone grabbed her, pressing a cloth against her face, and she saw no more. 


	3. Chapter Three

“Normani. Normani. Normani, listen to me! Normani! Hey, breathe…”

 

Lauren’s arms wrapped around Normani’s waist, trying to get her to breathe properly. Ally hadn’t come home the night she took her walk, and it was now a full 24 hours later and she still hadn’t turned up. Needless to say, Normani was completely panicking. 

“She’s not here!” Normani wheezed, her head in her hands. Lauren was fairly sure she saw tears slip out of her eyes and crash to the ground. “She…she wouldn’t stay out this long! Lo, what if something really bad happened?”

The police had just left, saying that they would get right on the case. Lauren believed them, too - Ally was a celebrity, which meant a lot of terrible things could’ve happened. “She’s probably just lost,” Lauren said, trying to comfort Normani, but inside Lauren was just as scared as she was. “It’s a big city. Right? And Ally’s a klutz.”

“She’ll be back,” Dinah jumped in, scooting in closer to the two. 

“She has to be,” Camila agreed, wrapping her arms around all three. The remaining members of Fifth Harmony stayed like that for a long time, desperately trying to calm their breathing. 

***

It was the smell that woke Ally up. Something putrid was in the air, like something had died and was now decomposing. She groaned softly, and then tried to move, but something rattled and her hands were being held back by something. Her eyes opened slowly and her vision was foggy, but it was pretty easy to figure out where she was. 

She was in a dark room, with water leaking through the ceiling, and her wrists were chained to a wall. Someone had kidnapped her. 

Before she could stop herself, she was screaming. 

She only stopped herself when she heard footsteps approaching her, and fast. A door creaked open, letting in a small sliver of light; that meant she was on a ground floor, in a dark building of some kind. A man entered the room, who was tall and broad, his muscles showing through his t-shirt. “You awake?” he asked in a rough voice. 

Ally couldn’t bring herself to say anything. Instead, she drew her knees in and scrambled backwards slightly until her back hit the damp wall. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said, the corners of his mouth lifting into a tiny smile. 

“W-Who are you?” Ally whispered as soon as she found her voice. She didn’t realize her hands were shaking, making the chains clatter. 

“That’s always the first question,” he sighed, shaking his head and coming over until he was directly in front of Ally. “My name’s not important.”

Ally swallowed roughly. “Why am I here?”

“You’ve got money, don’t you?” he replied like it was obvious. “And besides, after your little coming out stunt you did, things like this will almost be expected.” He drew closer to Ally, causing her to shrink even more. 

“You’ve got me ‘cause…I’m bi?” she whispered incredulously. 

“That’s not the only reason,” he countered. “But, yeah. If you want to look at it that way.” He crouched down until his face was even with hers. “I hope you’re not afraid of needles, Ally.”

“Why?”

He just laughed, and out of his pocket he drew a long syringe, already filled with something. “This’ll render you immobile,” he explained, still smiling at her. “I expect I’ll be using this a lot. Quite a thing, this is.”

She tried to swallow again but her throat was too dry. “What…”

“What comes after?” he finished for her. “I suppose you’ll have to find out.”

Without any more warning, he plunged the needle into her arm. 

Almost as soon as the clear liquid was injected, all of Ally’s limbs felt heavy. Her breathing slowed down and she felt herself lose the tension in her joints. After only minutes everything felt numb. Her head lolled back and hit the wall, and her eyesight grew fuzzy. She couldn’t move anything; but that didn’t stop the waves of fear coursing through her body. 

The man started talking though Ally wasn’t sure why - she couldn’t reply, anyway. She couldn’t even see him. A couple minutes passed by and she could feel her heart speeding up as the fear and adrenaline set in, but she still couldn’t react; some invisible force was holding down all of her limbs. 

Then the pain began. 

She wasn’t sure what was causing it. After all, she couldn’t move her head to look. But spots of her body erupted in pain, and she was fairly certain that he was beating her. 

Even though she was still conscious, she lost all thought. 

***

“There’s something you should see.”

A policeman was back again, saying that no, they had not found Ally and yes, they were doing all they could but apparently there was something new, some evidence that they had to see. “Okay,” Dinah said, her voice hoarse. 

“Here.” The policeman handed them his phone, which was open to a video player. “It may be disturbing to see. You can stop at any time.”

Normani felt empty inside but she still took the phone and pressed play. The camera was showing the floor of someplace, but someone was talking in the background. “Hello.” It was a man, a rather gruff sounding one, too. “I hope this video reaches you, Normani.”

Normani felt like a train just slammed into her and her breath stopped in her throat. “I think by know you’ll have noticed something’s…missing.”

Normani’s heart sped up and she knew what was coming, but she still let out a small cry when the camera panned to show Ally chained to a wall. She looked lifeless, and she wasn’t moving, but her chest still revealed that she was breathing. “Why isn’t she moving?” Normani whispered. Someone’s hand was rubbing her back but she didn’t notice. 

The man kept talking, saying something about how he wanted money, and he wanted a pardon, and if - if - they found him then they could have Ally back. “Now for the fun part,” the man said, laughing a little, before the camera panned back to Ally and -

“I know what he’s going to do,” Normani sobbed. “I don’t want to see it.”

The policeman nodded, taking back the phone. “It was posted online for a few minutes, and then deleted, but someone found it and immediately contacted us.”

“Can’t you trace it?” Lauren asked hopefully, still rubbing small circles on Normani’s back. “From where it was sent.”

“Whoever posted it jammed the signal,” the policeman explained. “We can try if there is another video-”

“What if he kills her?” Normani gulped. “What if she’s…dead when you find her?”

“We’re doing everything we can-”

“Thank you,” Lauren said, nodding to the cop. “But…we’re fine for now.”

The policeman left, promising to be back soon. Normani fell asleep there, unable to get up without falling back to the floor in tears. 

***

A month passed. 

Ally was still gone. 

Three videos later, and the police made no progress. Each time Normani saw her she looked worse; skinny, exhausted, bloody, broken. Normani could tell that Ally had given up, and so had she. 

The police came by one day, and the girls sat on the couch as they had before, awaiting the news. “We’re sorry,” he began, and Normani’s heart sunk even farther than it already had. 

“We’ve tried everything to find her.”

A tense silence filled the air and Normani tuned out everything but his voice. 

“There’s nothing left to try. Ally’s gone.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger warning for this chapter, so please don't read it if it will affect you*

***One Year Later***

“Normani, are we ever going to talk about what happened?” Lauren cried, reaching out her hand and trying to step a little closer to Normani. 

 

“No!” Normani snapped, whirling around and facing Lauren, fire in both their eyes. They were in the apartment they owned together. Camila and Dinah had moved out together a few months ago. It had also been a year (almost to the day) since anyone had seen Ally. The police had given up. Normani had given up. She felt empty inside, and she knew nothing could fill the hole in her heart, but she wanted to feel complete again. 

Perhaps that was why she’d kissed Lauren. 

It had been a weak moment. She’d resisted the urge to cut all day, and it was hard. Lauren had been there. Maybe she just wanted the band back together. Maybe she just wanted to hold Ally one last time. Maybe she just wanted to love somebody. 

At least, that was what she told herself. 

“We have nothing to talk about,” Normani hissed, her hands trembling with anger. She’d been so stupid, kissing Lauren…even if Ally was gone, it still felt like cheating, and the guilt was eating up what little Normani had left. “Nothing happened.”

“Mani-”

“Don’t call me that.” Her tone was flat as she tried not to explode in anger. Lauren hadn’t done anything wrong. 

Except, Lauren hadn’t stopped the kiss. She’d encouraged it. 

“Only Ally gets to call me that,” Normani finished. 

“Ally’s gone.”

Normani’s breath hitched and her eyes met Lauren’s, their fiery orbs locked in place. “It’s the truth,” Lauren whispered forcefully, breathing heavily. “You’ve got to accept that.”

“How can you?” Normani snapped, taking one small step forwards. “She was your friend too! How can you just let her go?”

“Would she want you to beat yourself up over something you have no control over?” Lauren answered instead, which just made Normani even more angry. “She wouldn’t. Take control of your life.”

“I’m doing just fine, thank you very much.”

“Mani, seriously.”

“I said, don’t call me that,” Normani repeated, shaking her head and turning away. “What I do is none of your business, you understand?”

“We still can’t pretend like nothing happened that night.”

There was silence before Normani decided she couldn’t answer that, and just left, storming into the bathroom and locking the door behind her, Lauren’s cries left unheard.

Her hands curled around the edges of the counter, feeling the cold marble beneath her palms, letting herself feel anything at all. She didn’t want to do it. She knew Ally would hate her for it. But she just felt so empty inside and she needed a release.

She heard the front door open and then slam shut, which meant Lauren had gone out. That confirmed her decision. She kept staring straight ahead while her hands moved by route, grabbing the small razor and holding out her wrist. 

Normani took a few more breaths before plunging the cold metal into her skin, as she had done so many times before. 

She only made one fresh cut, before she dropped the razor into the sink and threw a cloth over her bleeding wrist, fumbling around to find a bandage, when she accidentally knocks over a small picture frame on the bathroom counter. The glass broke immediately and one piece tore a small hole in the picture as the frame bounced a couple feet away.

It was a picture of the band, the last one taken before Ally disappeared. 

Normani didn’t know why, but tears were suddenly streaming down her face and her knees buckled and she just sobbed, sitting there for hours. 

Ally was gone. Ally was really, truly gone. 

***

The man’s footsteps receded away from Ally and she was left alone in the damp corner, just as she always was. She’d lost track of all time, but she’d never left the room. Not even once. The man fed her minimal food and more often than not just water, but it kept her alive. She didn’t know why she was alive. Ally most definitely did not want to be alive. But here she was. 

Bruised, beaten, and exhausted, but alive. 

She was a shell of what she used to be. Every time the man gave her that stuff, the thing that paralyzed her, she lost more strength. Less and less returned to her when she could move again. Her muscles didn’t have any strength and she knew standing would be impossible at this point. 

Now that she thought about it, Normani was probably the only reason she was holding out. 

She groaned a little and as her nerves tingled she managed to roll over onto her back, trying not to make anything hurt. The man always came down here to beat her, or just to yell at her, but he always made sure she couldn’t move. That stuff would kill her eventually if nothing else did. 

She wasn’t even afraid anymore. 

So when she heard a massive amount of yelling outside of the room - she assumed it was a warehouse of sorts - she didn’t think anything of it. Had the man brought his friends? Were they all going to beat her? Or would they do something worse?

“Police!”

That wasn’t right. The police didn’t know she was here. Did they? 

Ally had to let them know she was here, but her throat was dry and she hadn’t properly spoken since she’d been brought here. “Help!” she tried to call out but it was barely a whisper. Wincing in pain, she crawled forwards slightly, trying to reach a wall to bang on it, but she couldn’t reach. She gave a small cry of pain when her swollen ankle was dragged across the ground, but even that hurt. “Please!” she tried again. Giving everything she had, she cried, “I’m here!” 

Spots danced around her vision. Even doing what she had just done took all of her energy and she knew she wouldn’t be able to do much more. There was some mumbling outside, but she couldn’t tell what was being said. She tensed as she prayed and prayed that she would be saved. 

And then someone broke down the door and she finally, after all that time, left herself relax. 

“Oh my-” A policeman was standing at the doorway, his eyes wide in shock and his gun outstretched. Quickly, he shoved his gun back into his belt and ran over to where Ally let herself lay limp, and he tried to unlock the chains. “Come here!” he yelled loudly to the rest of the police outside. “There’s someone in here!”

A couple more men and one woman entered the warehouse, their guns out, as well. “That’s Ally Brooke!” one of them gasped. “She’s been gone a year!”

“Call the station,” another ordered. Ally couldn’t keep track of who was talking anymore. “And the hospital. It looks like she’s been through hell and back again.”

Something snapped and then Ally felt the chains around her wrists finally release themselves. “Finally put pick-pocketing to a good use,” the policeman grunted quietly, and then knelt by Ally’s side, sliding one arm under her back and another under her legs. A brief flash of pain went through her and she groaned a little bit. 

“Sorry,” he apologized immediately. Normally, Ally would fight someone grabbing her and try to get away, but his arms felt gentle and soft, like he was genuinely trying not to hurt her. He picked her up and carried her out, bridal-style, and Ally let herself go limp.

She still hadn’t quite realized she was safe when the darkness overwhelmed her and she let herself go. 


	5. Chapter Five

The phone rang and Normani only glanced at it slightly, the energy torn from her bones. Lauren and her had stopped talking and Normani couldn’t help but miss the conversation. It took her mind away from Ally. Nothing else would. 

 

She let it ring about four times before Lauren’s lazy voice drifted over. “You gonna get that?”

Normani just muttered a few curses under her breath and shook her head. Here she was, only 18 years old, living with someone she didn’t care about (and she wished she would never see again) with an empty hole in her chest. She hadn’t spoken to her parents in months. She wasn’t sure why, to be honest, either. They just…lost touch. So no, Normani did not want to ‘get that’, but she did. 

“Hello?” she muttered, her voice reflecting how tired she felt inside. 

“Hello, this is the police Chief speaking. Am I talking to a Normani Kordei?”

Her heart rose to her throat and she swore she didn’t breathe for a few seconds. The last time she spoke to the police…it was about Ally. “Yes,” she whispered, trying to stop her hands from shaking. All tension with Lauren was forgotten as their eyes met and Lauren found her way to sit beside Normani. “Yes, this is Normani.”

“Normani, I believe you know a Ally Brooke?”

She froze immediately, her eyes going wide. Lauren scooted closer to her, concern flashing across her face. “I…I do,” Normani whispered. She was sure her face was ghostly pale. 

“We’ve found her.”

Normani’s world unfroze and sped up in seconds. She barely listened to what hospital Ally was at before racing out of the door, leaving a protesting Lauren behind. “Call Camila and Dinah!” was all she managed to get out of her mouth before she slammed the door shut and ran outside like there was no tomorrow. 

The drive to the hospital took maybe five minutes, mostly because Normani wasn’t paying attention to laws. She threw the doors open and ignored the couple of nurses who tried to get her to slow down. “Ally Brooke!” she yelled, trying to find somebody who would listen to her and not tell her to be quiet. “I need to see Ally Brooke!”

“Room 12,” one of them grunted. “Now will you please quiet down?”

But Normani was already gone, running down the hallway, her eyes frantically searching for the right room. Room 10…11…

12. 

The door was open and Normani ran inside, skidding to a halt when she truly grasped where she was. Ally was lying motionless in a bed that seemed to big for her skinny frame. She’d gotten even smaller than when Normani saw her last, and even though she was sleeping, she seemed to sink into her surroundings. She looked pale, too pale, and it looked like she hadn’t eaten properly in the entire year they’d been apart. 

But it didn’t matter, because it was Ally, the very same Ally Normani knew and loved. Or, at least, didn’t she? She still didn’t know what had happened with Lauren but - 

No. That was not the time to think about that. Instead, she sat next to Ally and just waited for her to wake up, grabbing a hold of her small hand and clutching it like her very life depended on it. Maybe it did. 

“Allycat,” Normani kept whispering, over and over again, hoping maybe Ally could hear her. “It’s me. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

Normani was so focused on talking to wake Ally up she almost missed it when it happened. “Mani?” Her voice was small, weak, and hoarse, but there was no doubt. It was Ally. 

“Shh,” Normani whispered, her eyes brimming with tears. “It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re here, and you’ll always be okay.”

***

**[A/N - Sorry for the time jump about to happen. If you'd like to read what happened in that gap, I wrote it in the "Missing Scene" chapter]**

***

“So, girls,” Simon said, drumming his fingers on his desk, “You want a comeback tour?”

The five of them were all together again, meeting with Simon, a year and a half since Ally went missing and they broke up. Camila and Dinah had flown in from where their hometowns as soon as they heard Ally was back. Ally’s recovery had been slow, but she’d done it with all of their help. 

And so they decided that maybe a comeback tour was what they needed. Maybe they needed to sing more, make more records. It would help all of them, especially Ally. And maybe being able to do what she loved the most would take away some of Normani’s guilt that surfaced in her heart every time she looked at Ally or Lauren. Camila and Dinah knew nothing about what had happened, and neither did Ally, and part of Normani wanted it to stay that way. But the other part of her knew that she couldn’t go on with the amount of guilt inside her. 

“Yes,” Camila said instantly, her eyes meeting each of the other girls’ gaze, one by one. Normani tried to look brave, but inside she was terrified. What if everybody hated them now?

“It’ll be difficult,” Simon warned them. “You’ve faded out of popularity. You’ve got to realize that this could be a massive flop.”

“We understand,” Lauren replied. “But this is what we want to do.”

“Ally,” Simon said, “Are you sure you want to do this so…soon?”

Ally nodded immediately. “Yes.” Her voice was a lot stronger than it used to be, which made Normani smile. 

“Well,” Simon sighed, nodding a little, “I suppose…I suppose you’re signed.”

They all just stared at him. “It’s that easy?” Dinah whispered, her eyes wide. 

“It’s that easy,” he replied. “I’ve seen what you can all do. We’ll give it a trial run, see how it goes. How does that sound?”

“Wonderful,” Normani said, smiling, clutching Ally’s hand. “Thank you, so much.”

The other girls all thanked Simon and they left, but just before they got in the car to leave, Lauren pulled Normani aside. “We’ll be right back,” she told the other girls, and a flicker of fear started in Normani’s chest. What was Lauren going to do?

“Normani,” Lauren said, her eyes serious, “Have you told Ally?”

Normani knew exactly what she was talking about. “Of course not.”

“Then I’ve got to ask you. Who do you want?”

Normani scoffed slightly. “What do you mean, who do I want? I’m with Ally, Lo.”

“But you kissed me,” Lauren reminded her. “I didn’t kiss you first, you kissed me. Ally was gone and you made your move. So, yeah, Normani, I’m not totally okay with you pretending like it didn’t happen. So. Who do you want?”

“I hate to tell you,” Normani whispered, her voice barely audible, “But I want Ally.”

Lauren nodded. “You’ve got to tell her. I can’t keep this secret. Do you know how much it hurts to even look at her? She’s my friend.”

“I can’t just tell her!”

“Please, Normani,” Lauren begged her. “That’s what I’d want you to do, if it was the other way around.”

Normani knew their talk wasn’t over, but Lauren was already leaving, getting into the car, and Normani had no choice but to follow. 

***

“Ally,” Normani said, pulling the smaller girl down onto the couch in their hotel room, “We need to talk.”

“What about?” Ally asked carefully, adjusting herself slightly until she could sit comfortably. 

Normani drew in a long breath. How do you tell someone that you cheated on them? “Something happened,” she tried, “When you were…”

“Gone,” Ally finished for her, nodding. “I imagine a lot of things did.”

“Yeah,” Normani chuckled breathlessly, “But…something really big happened. Something terrible. Something that I…I need to tell you, and I…I’m scared to.”

“It’s okay,” Ally said immediately, sliding forwards until their eyes were locked. “You can tell me anything.”

“You’d been gone a while,” Normani said shakily, her heart pounding and her eyes fogging, “And it was just me and Lauren, and I…I hadn’t been doing so well, and I felt so empty so I…”

“It’s okay,” Ally said again, squeezing Normani’s hand. 

Normani shook her head, the tears pooling around her eyes. “Whatever it is,” Ally promised, “We can make it through.”

“We can’t!” Normani cried. “Ally, I cheated on you!”


	6. Chapter Six

“I cheated on you!”

 

Ally’s whole body stiffened and Normani broke down in tears, her sobs the only sound echoing through the room. “No,” Ally said hoarsely, shaking her head and letting go of Normani’s hand. “That’s…no. No, you didn’t. You…”

“I did,” Normani cried, shutting her eyes as the tears spilled out. “I’m sorry, oh my god, I’m so sorry!”

“With who?” Ally choked out, backing up away from Normani until each of their backs pressed against opposite ends of the couch, but Ally needed to get farther away. “Who?!”

“Lauren!” They were both yelling now, but neither of them cared. Normani tried to reach out and grab Ally’s hand again, to show her how sorry she was, but Ally flinched away like someone slapped her. 

“Lauren?” she whispered, standing up and stumbling backwards, trying to find the door. “Lauren? Did Lauren want to?”

“No,” Normani wailed, still reaching out towards Ally. “Please…Allycat…please!”

“I’m sorry,” Ally sobbed, her fingers closing around the door handle and grasping it. “I’m sorry.”

She left, leaving Normani’s cries behind her, even though she wasn’t sure what she was sorry for. 

***

“Lauren!” Ally yelled, the tears still on her cheeks. Camila, Dinah, and Lauren were all sharing a hotel room apart from Normani and herself. Thus, when Ally burst through the unlocked door, Camila screamed and Dinah jumped five feet in the air. 

“Ally?” Lauren asked, rushing out from the corner of the room, where she was unpacking. When she saw the state the smaller girl was in, her eyes immediately softened and her arms lay limp at her sides. “She told you, didn’t she?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ally whispered. She couldn’t believe Lauren would do that do her. They were friends, weren’t they?

“Did you really want to hear it from me?” Lauren’s voice was soft, and she really did sound sympathetic. Meanwhile, Camila and Dinah were jumping in every silence, asking what on earth was the matter and why didn’t they know. 

“No,” Ally replied, taking a few shaky breaths and trying to regain some composure. “I just…I don’t understand why…did you want to?” She’d already asked Normani but she needed the answer confirmed. She didn’t want to be mad at Lauren, she really didn’t. 

“No,” Lauren said, shaking her head. “I mean…well, I’ll be honest with you, Ally. She kissed me first. And at first, I didn’t want to, but…well…”

“I…I understand, I think,” Ally rasped. 

“Can you ever forgive Normani?”

“I hope so.”

***

It had been a week. Normani and Ally hadn’t spoken once. The other three girls repeatedly tried to get them alone together, but nothing worked. Lauren mostly avoided the situation, which was something Ally was grateful for. Although she didn’t blame Lauren, she hadn’t quite forgiven her yet. 

“Girls,” Simon said as they sat across from him again, “I hate to say this, but when Normani and Ally came out to the world, your popularity dropped significantly, and it led to Ally being taken.” Ally visibly flinched at the words, her eyes shutting for a couple seconds as she tried to stop the memories. 

“So,” Simon continued, “I have to tell you a difficult fact.”

“We can’t be together publicly, can we?” Ally jumped in, determined to regain control once again. She hated how control was the one thing that evaded her; it was something she needed. 

“No,” Simon confirmed. “Privately-”

“That won’t be a problem.”

All heads turned to Ally as she spoke emotionlessly. Normani opened her mouth to protest, to try to apologize, but all that came out was a strangled gasp. “Ally!” Camila said, “What…what are you saying?”

“We’re done,” Ally declared, her voice still even. She met Normani’s eyes once, and only once, before looking back to Simon, who’s expression was impassive. “So you don’t have to worry about faking relationships.”

“Well,” Simon said, drumming his fingers again, “If you’re sure. But…we should still have one of you with a boyfriend, just for publicity, to show it is over. Normani? Would you like us to hire the same one as before?”

Normani’s breathing was heavy, and even though Lauren was rubbing small circles on her back, she couldn’t reply properly. But she didn’t want to appear weak in front of Ally. Normani had told the truth, and if Ally wanted to be that way, that was the way they were going to be. “Okay,” she managed, not meeting Ally’s eyes. 

Ally would never admit this to anybody, but her heart was tearing. 

“Alright,” Simon sighed, sitting up straighter. “Then it’s decided. I’ll have him meet you at your hotel, this evening, about seven.”

“Okay,” Normani said again. She wasn’t worried. Just because they were going to be “dating” didn’t mean she had to worry about impressing him. He would have a job to do, just like she would. 

As soon as they left, Camila said, “Ally, are you…like…absolutely sure?”

“Yes,” Ally said without hesitation. “Yes, I am.”

Normani felt the tears start to pool around her eyes, but she finally found her voice. “Ally, please, I-”

“You made your choice,” Ally said, her voice flat. She spun round and Normani almost flinched because of the fire in her eyes. “I can’t help it if you don’t love me. We’re done, Normani. That won’t change.”

Ally stormed away, but Normani just stood there, stunned. Camila and Dinah looked at her regretfully before running after Ally, trying to get her talk, while Lauren stayed with Normani. 

“She hates me,” Normani whispered, her knees buckling so only Lauren was holding her up. Lauren’s arms felt warm and comfortable, but not nearly as gentle as Ally’s. “She really hates me.”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Lauren said, but it was a feeble attempt. 

“No, she doesn’t hate you,” Normani said. 

“She’s just…in shock. She’ll come ‘round,” Lauren promised, but again, it was weak. Lauren couldn’t help that she still had feelings for Normani. It wasn’t like that was her choice. If she could, she would kiss her right now just to make her feel -

She didn’t have to. Normani leaned up and kissed Lauren, instead.

Lauren knew that she was being used. Normani didn’t want to look weak, or she needed support, and Lauren was just there - but for some reason, she didn’t care. Her heart exploded with joy as she leaned into the kiss, a whole feeling of…love spreading through her body. 

Normani broke away soon, and Lauren knew she should just shut up, but she said, “I love you.”

Her eyes widened when Normani replied with exactly the same words.

Even though Lauren knew they weren’t true, it was nice to pretend.

***

Someone knocked at the door, but Normani was not prepared to answer it. She’d told Lauren that she loved her, but she really didn’t. Her heart would always belong to Ally. Maybe she was just jealous that Ally seemed okay, and maybe she needed something. It was wrong to use Lauren, but…that was the path she had chosen. 

The five of them had also decided that it was best to get separate rooms for now, until all the drama died down. So Normani was alone as she opened the white door. A boy, around her age, stood at the other side. He was sort of attractive, but definitely not someone Normani would ever notice, even if she did like boys. “Hi,” he said. “My name’s James.”

“Hi,” she replied, beckoning him inside. “I’m Normani.”

“So I heard,” he said, the corners of his mouth lifting.

“Right,” she sighed. “So the story is that we met in school and-”

Suddenly he was grabbing her shoulders and pushing her back into the wall and kissing her violently. Even though she thrashed and tried to escape his grip, he wouldn’t budge. She couldn’t get away. Finally, he pulled back, but he kept holding her arms. “No,” he whispered. “This is the story.”

Her mouth fell open a little bit in shock, but she couldn’t find her voice. 

“I don’t care if we’re not together,” he said in a low voice, “You do what I say. You do whatever I want you to do. And if you don’t, I will make your life hell.”

“How?” Normani whispered quietly, real fear starting to register. 

He chuckled a little. “I’m sure the public wouldn’t like to know about your little cheating scandal, or where Ally really was all year.”

She drew in a long breath. “Fine,” she snapped, “But you leave Ally out of this.”

He laughed again. “Still protective. Fine. Well, I’m expected elsewhere. But don’t think I won’t be on time for tomorrow…our first date.”

He let Normani go and she almost fell to the ground, but her hand found the wall for support. “See you tomorrow, Normani.”

He left, closing the door softly behind him.


	7. Chapter Seven

“Normani,” James hissed, taking a sip of his drink as to look more natural. “Act happier!” She tried to plaster a smile to her face but it was impossible. Her heart was lower than it had ever been, far lower than when Ally was kidnapped.

“There are people taking pictures,” he reminded her, as if she could forget. There weren’t many, but some paparazzi had found them and were insistently snapping photos. Wasn’t one picture enough? “So you’ve got to make this believable.”

“I’m here. How is that not believable?” As soon as she said it she knew it was a mistake. His eyes narrowed and he shook his head in warning.

“You better behave,” he growled, “Or your life is over. You will always be Normani Kordei, the failed artist who cheated on her girlfriend and lied to the world.”

“The fans won’t hate me for that,” she spat at him. Even though what he had done the night before was inexcusable, Normani couldn’t believe that he’d do it again. He wouldn’t, would he?

“For breaking up the favourite couple?” he laughed, putting on a smile so the cameras would think they were having a fun date at the café. “I think they will.”

“We weren’t the favourite couple.”

“Even so, they’ll hate you for breaking Ally’s heart.”

“She broke mine.”

“They won’t know that, will they?”

Normani didn’t have a decent comeback. But she did know she couldn’t stay here any longer. “We’re leaving,” she declared, getting ready to go.

“No,” James snapped, putting a hand on her wrist, but making the movement look gentle, almost romantic, for the cameras. “We have fifteen more minutes before I’m supposed to drive you back.”

“Can’t you just take me back to the hotel now?” she sighed, but then stopped when she saw the fiery look in his eyes. It was the same look he’d worn the night before, when he’d…done what he did. Would he really do something like that again?

“You are treading on very thin ice,” he said quietly.

They sat in silence for the remaining time, Normani and him occasionally bursting out laughing even though nobody made a joke.

Finally, they stood up and James quickly grabbed Normani’s arm and pulled her alongside his hip. It was an awkward position but somehow he made it look sweet and caring, even though Normani would have given anything to not be with him. Everything with him was fake. She never knew what he was going to say next. They moved past the paparazzi and gave them fake smiles until they got in James’ car and he drove them away.

“We’re doing this again two days from now,” he instructed.

“What? That’s too soon.”

He snapped his eyes towards her for only a second. “One more step and you’re over the line.”

Normani’s throat went dry and she swallowed slightly. “It is unrealistic.” She thought she’d done pretty well at being subtle with her wording, but apparently, it wasn’t enough.

James’ hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles went white. “Oh, you are so in for it.”

The rest of the ride was silent.

***

Normani didn’t see James after he drove away for the rest of the day, which was good, but she couldn’t stop thinking about what he said. Was he going to post the video? Would he not dare? She sat for hours on the couch of the hotel room, the same couch she had confessed to Ally on, her head in the clouds, mulling over possible scenarios.

“Normani?” Lauren’ voice snapped Normani from her distant thoughts, but immediately her heart sank further. She couldn’t keep leading Lauren on like this. It was cruel, and definitely selfish. “How did you date go?”

“It wasn’t real,” Normani sighed. “Lauren, I need to talk-”

“About us,” Lauren agreed. “Yeah, I know. You don’t love me, do you? You will always love Ally.”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Normani covered her mouth as soon as the words left it, but it was too late. She should’ve left it at what Lauren said. Why was she such an idiot?

Lauren’s eyes hardened. “You mean, the first time? Or the second? Were neither of those real to you, Normani? Were they both fake?”

“Lauren-”

“Do I mean nothing to you?”

There was a beat of silence before Normani said, “It was stupid-”

“It wasn’t ‘stupid’ for me!” Lauren cried. “I care about you, okay? A lot more than you care about me. I see that now. I am perfectly content to let you be with Ally, but if you keep leading me on then - then, hell, Normani, I don’t know what to think.”

“It was a mistake,” Normani said. “I don’t not care about you, though. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I shouldn’t have led you on. It was selfish-”

“You told me that you loved me,” Lauren said coldly, and then shook her head and made a move to the door. “I would be able to forgive you, Normani, but you don’t just throw those words around like that.”

“No, Lauren, please, wait-”

She left without another word.

***

Lauren slammed the door behind her, practically seething. She knew she was acting out of line, and Normani had been through a lot - actually, no, Normani hadn’t. Ally was the one who had been through a lot, and Normani was just the one who had cheated on her. So maybe she had an excuse for being so angry, but she still felt a little guilty.

“Lauren, right?”

A deep voice made her turn around. James, Normani’s fake boyfriend, was standing at the end of the hall, walking closer. “What are you doing here?” Lauren asked, relaxing. “Isn’t the date two days from now? That’s what Simon told us.”

“I’m just here to talk to her,” he sighed. “She’s been acting really strangely.”

James seemed like a nice person, so Lauren replied, “I know. It’s because…it’s all because of Ally and…do you know about this?”

“How she cheated?” James said the last word really quietly, like he was swearing and didn’t want anybody to hear. “Yeah, management told me. Bit of a bit-”

“Terrible,” Lauren interrupted. “Terrible move.” She wasn’t quite at the level where she was comfortable with Normani being referred to as a b*tch, but having her actions clearly spelled out in front of her was rapidly changing her mind, causing her anger to present itself. “That wasn’t even the worst thing.”

“Oh, yeah?” James said, raising his eyebrows. Something about him was sketchy, but Lauren pushed it aside. “If you don’t want to tell me-”

“Ally broke up with her,” Lauren began.

“As she should.”

“Yeah, but…I mean, then she kissed me and told me that she loved me.”

James shifted his position slightly, interest flickering in his eyes. “Let me guess. You actually love her? And she didn’t mean what she said?”

Lauren’s silence was conformation enough.

“Well,” James sighed, turning back around the way he had come. “You can believe me when I tell you I don’t want this job anymore.”

“Don’t you want to visit her?” Lauren called as he began to leave. “Isn’t that why you were here?”

“Not after hearing that, I don’t.”

Lauren stayed where she was for only a second after he left, but cast the doubts out of her mind and went back to her hotel room.

***

Besides Normani, all the girls of Fifth Harmony were in their hotel room. Normani had kept the separate one originally used for her and Ally, but after the breakup, Ally had moved to the other one. Camila and Dinah had both offered to move in with Normani, but she refused both times. It bothered them, but there was nothing they could do.

It was mainly quiet, nobody really joking around. Suddenly, four loud beeps tore through the air at once as all four of their phones went off at exactly the same time. “Maybe it’s management,” Lauren guessed as they all checked their messages.

They were all from the same number, with the same message - no words, just a link to a YouTube video. “Do we click it?” Lauren asked.

“Couldn’t this be a virus?” Camila asked, tilting her head like she was genuinely confused.

“It was sent to all of us at the same time,” Ally said. Her voice was raw, almost hollow, but nobody commented on it. “So, yeah. We do.”

Lauren clicked the play button on her phone, and everybody just watched it there. For a few seconds, all it showed was a black screen, but then she nearly dropped the phone when she saw who it was. “James,” she muttered. “Oh, my god.”

“Hello, Harmonizers,” James said in the video. He was reclining in a chair and he looked calm, almost cheeky, like he knew he had the upper hand. “You’re all probably excited about the massive reunion, I suppose.”

“This is going to get bad,” Dinah whispered as James continued.

“But there’s something you don’t know about Fifth Harmony,” James’ recorded voice said. “One member in particular - Normani Kordei.”

Lauren felt Ally’s breath hitch beside her and she wanted to comfort the smaller girl but ice was running through her veins. Was James doing this because of what she had told him? “While her former girlfriend, Ally Brooke, was kidnapped, she cheated on her.”

There was a pause before he continued, “Ally’s found out, you see - and now Normani’s just bouncing back, trying to get with the one she cheated on Ally with, trying to get with me.” He laughed briefly, and Lauren could feel Ally’s eyes boring holes into her.

“Normani Kordei is a liar,” James said. “She is a cheater. She is unfaithful. And she does not deserve your love.”

The video shut off and Lauren let herself drop her phone.

“What the hell was that?” Camila gasped, shaking her head and sitting down slowly. “That was…that was horrible.”

“But it’s true,” Ally reminded her. “I mean…yeah, it’s terrible, but…it’s true.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Dinah said. “The fans are going to hate her now.”

Lauren swallowed before saying, “The real question is whether or not Normani’s seen it yet.”


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *REALLY intense trigger warnings for this chapter!!*

“Normani!” Camila yelled as they ran out of their hotel room and stopped in front of Normani’s door. “Have you seen this?”

 

Lauren immediately cringed. “Camz!” she hissed. “If Normani hasn’t seen it, we don’t want to tell her about it!”

“Oh,” Camila realized, nodding sharply. “Right. Okay. Sorry.”

The door opened and Normani’s eyes widened as she saw all four of them, panting even though they’d only run a couple meters. “Uh, hi,” she said softly. Ally’s eyes refused to meet hers, but Lauren pushed aside past arguments and smiled. “Have I seen what?”

“How are you?” she asked, going inside the hotel room. 

“Good?” Normani spun in a circle, confused, like she was trying to figure out where the hidden cameras were and what kind of prank this was. “What is this?”

All the girls had entered now, but nobody wanted to speak. “Hey, can I see your phone?” Lauren asked, casually leaning against the couch, but instead her heart was accelerating with every word. 

“Why? Seriously, what is this?”

“Mines not working,” Lauren said, racing to figure out an excuse. She really should’ve thought this through before barging in. “I need to call my dad.”

“Can’t you use the other girls’?”

“There’s aren’t working, either. Probably bad reception.”

“Lauren, we’re in the middle of a city.”

“Our phones are rubbish.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Normani dug her phone out of her pocket and threw it to Lauren, who quickly checked the notifications - she hadn’t gotten a text. She hadn’t seen the video. A huge weight lifted off her shoulders, but an equal amount was pressed back on - what would happen when she did? “Now, what did you want me to see…?”

“Uh,” Camila stammered, “That Dinah can do a cartwheel!”

Dinah cast an angry look at Camila, but she sighed and did a half-effort of a cartwheel. “Okay,” Normani sighed. “Is that all?”

“Yeah,” Lauren said, tossing Normani’s phone back.

“I thought you needed to call you dad?”

“He wasn’t home.”

“Uh, okay. See you all later?”

Camila, Dinah, and Lauren all practically ran out of the room. It had gone worse than they’d ever imagined - at least, it was far more awkward. Normani held the door open, waiting for Ally to go, but she stayed there, like she wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. “Are you okay?” Normani asked quietly. 

“I…I don’t know,” Ally sighed, moving towards the door, but slowly, Normani’s heart tearing at the same pace. “I mean. You screwed up.”

A short laugh escaped Normani’s lips. “Yeah. I know.”

“But, I, like. Maybe I acted too quickly?” Ally wasn’t quite sure what she was saying, but it was right. She knew it, in her heart, that this was right. Maybe she had acted too quickly. “And…I sort of regret it?”

Normani drew a sharp intake of breath, and she knew she had to play this carefully. “I acted too quickly, too.”

Ally nodded. “I mean…I haven’t forgiven you. Not yet.”

“I understand,” Normani sighed. This wasn’t the talk that she thought they were having. Ally was just confirming her beliefs. She knew, in her heart, that she was nothing. She was just trying to be something, and she never would be. Ally wouldn’t want her. Ally deserved so much more. 

“Okay,” Ally said, and then left. 

Just as the door closed behind her, Ally muttered, “But I think I could.” 

Normani was already too far away to hear.

***

Normani felt almost naked with her wrists exposed. The small tapping of the razor against the sink was the only sound but she barely heard it. Her eyes were trained on her right wrist, where all the scars she’d made in the year Ally was gone lay. 

She hadn’t made anymore when Ally had come back, and she was determined to stay that way, until last night, when this time, she’d sliced her left wrist. She wasn’t sure what finally broke her. But she was done. Done with…everything. 

She’d considered ending it all several times, but something was holding her here. If she had known what it was, she would’ve let it go a long time ago. Anything was better than what her life had turned into. 

But for some reason, this was as far as her mind allowed her to go. 

The cold razor sunk into her skin and a gasp of pain - pleasure, even - escaped her lips, and something told her to stop, but she made one more before finally letting the razor fall and putting pressure on the wounds to stop the bleeding. 

This was her fate. She didn’t want it, but this was hers. She’d screwed it up. Now, she couldn’t let it go. 

***

“How’s everybody doing tonight?” Camila screamed out as they all felt the familiar rush as they performed. The day had finally arrived; the first concert as a band again, and they’d sold out their first show. It wasn’t how it used to be, as the cracks in their friendships were highly visible, but still - they were there. 

“We’re gonna do an old one, but a good one,” Dinah said, throwing an arm around Camila’s shoulder. At least those two were still the best of friends. “Get ready for…Leave My Heart Out Of This!”

The arena erupted in cheers and the girls all smiled, but Normani’s was forced. She loved the song; but she didn’t need to be constantly reminded at how her heart was struggling. But the music rolled, and Camila began, doing her famous runs and wowing Normani still to this day. 

The crowd cheered right along with them and some of them even began singing the words, which made them all smile. They finished the chorus, and the crowd was as loud as ever, but then Normani stepped forwards to begin her solo, and everybody - everybody - went silent. 

“I’m done, feeling like a-” That was as far as she got before massive jeers and protests broke out amongst the crowd. She didn’t quite realize what was happening, but as soon as she did the microphone dropped out of her hand and the music in the background stopped. 

She couldn’t breathe. The whole world was closing in on her and she stumbled a few steps back, her eyes wide. 

Why did they hate her?

James. James. The video. He must’ve posted the video. 

And now they all hated her.

Just like he said they would. 

Her ears rung and she was vaguely aware of Camila saying something but she didn’t listen. She backed up a little more, her eyes frantically searching the arena for someone that liked her, someone that was cheering for her, but she didn’t see any. 

Her eyes met Ally’s for one second, but Ally didn’t do anything. 

A choked sob escaped her lips and she ran off the stage, ignoring everybody. She didn’t stop running until she was outside, away from everything. She panted a few times, trying to figure out exactly what she was doing but her eyesight was fuzzy and her ears were still ringing, the jeers of the crowd replaying again and again in her head. Before she knew it she was running back to the hotel, distance not a factor in her mind. 

They hate me. They hate me. Everybody hates me. Ally hates me. 

It took maybe fifteen minutes, or maybe thirty, but she burst through the hotel room and found herself in the bathroom. Her knees gave way and she collapsed to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. Her hands tore through her hair repeatedly and she drew her knees in close to her chest, rocking slightly, trying to figure out exactly what was going on but she couldn’t. 

She wasn’t sure why she bothered holding on. Maybe she had a few hopes that someone would come, that maybe Ally would come, maybe everything would work out. 

Nobody came. 

Her memories were hazy but suddenly the tear tracks were drying on her face and she was standing at the counter, her breathing choked by something invisible. A huge weight was lying on her chest and she just wanted it off. 

Maybe the bottle of pills in her hand would help with that. 

The lid came off easily, which almost made her laugh. Did life hate her so much that it was giving her a release easily? Did it want her to go away? Was it tired of having Normani Kordei in existence? Normani knew that she was. 

_“You screwed up.”_

_“I haven’t forgiven you.”_

_“We’re done.”_

All of Ally’s words flooded into Normani’s brain and another cracked cry fell off her lips before she found herself holding too many pills to count. It didn’t matter how many. As long as it was enough. 

_“You made your choice.”_

Ally was right. This was her choice. 

She swallowed the pills. Some of them dropped onto the floor but it didn’t matter. 

Normani stood there for maybe seconds, maybe minutes, before she heard someone calling her name and then her knees suddenly gave way again, and her head hit the floor. 

“Normani!”

It was Ally. 

Normani tried to speak but she couldn’t. Her eyes closed and once, just this time, she willed them to stay open. 

They didn’t.


	9. Chapter Nine

“Oh my god. Oh my god. Lauren. Lauren! Dinah! Camila! Somebody! Oh my god. Oh my god…”

 

Ally couldn’t breathe as she let the door to the bathroom crash into the wall. She couldn’t tell if she was dreaming or if this was reality. The ability to speak left her and her mouth closed uselessly. Her knees started to give way and she felt herself fall to the floor, even though she wasn’t hurt. 

Was that really Normani? Was that really her, lying so still? Why were her arms so broken and scarred? Why did some of the breaks look fresh?

So many questions were flying through Ally’s mind that she was sure if Lauren hadn’t shown up exactly when she did, Normani would have died before Ally could get up and move. 

“Camila!” Lauren started yelling. “Dinah! Somebody, call 911!” 

It was as if Lauren had teleported across the room. She wasn’t moving right, and Ally couldn’t remember her actually coming into the room to start with. Was that Camila yelling in the background? Was Dinah screaming? Or was that her?

Her eyes wouldn’t leave Normani. This was all her fault. She knew it was. The scattered pills on the ground told Ally the full story - she had caused all of this. 

And now Normani was gone…

***

Lauren herself didn’t know what was happening. Normani had looked so still, so fragile…and why were there cuts, littering her forearms?

The ambulance had arrived quickly, taking her away. When Lauren had found her, she could only try to find a pulse, but she wasn’t sure if she had. She tried to hold onto Normani’s hand and never let her go but her grip was loosened and she was ripped away. 

It wasn’t her hand to hold, anyway. 

Now, it was her job to look after the other three in the group. Camila and Dinah seemed okay, as okay as they could be, but Ally was a mess and Lauren knew it. They were sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, and Ally was crying. She hadn’t stopped since they’d got there. 

“Ally, hey, just breathe, you have to breathe for me…” No matter what Lauren said, nothing could calm the smaller girl down. She had flashbacks to when they found out Ally was gone, and Normani had almost had a panic attack. Lauren had been the backbone then, and she was the backbone now. Maybe that was her role and she just hadn’t realized it until now. Maybe letting herself get too involved with Normani had ripped the backbone away from the group, and that was why all this had happened. Maybe she was too blame.

She stopped herself before she got too out of control with that way of thinking. 

“I can’t!” Ally sobbed, letting her head rest in the crook of Lauren’s neck. “She’s…She’s gone!”

“No,” Lauren said sternly, her eyes brimming with tears, “She’s not. You don’t know that. This is just…an obstacle.”

“She wants to die!”

Lauren swallowed roughly. She couldn’t argue against the truth. 

“That’s as good as gone,” Ally whispered, another sob making a choked sound escape her lips. 

“You and her are meant to be,” Lauren insisted. “You can both get through this. She got through your kidnapping, you can get through her…attempt.”

“I don’t know if she’s alive,” Ally said. “And if she’s not…”

“Then it’s not your fault.”

“But it is.”

“I promise you, it isn’t yours. It isn’t hers, either.”

“Then who’s is it?”

Lauren didn’t have a solid answer. 

They sat there in silence, Camila and Dinah murmuring occasionally, before a doctor walked out to the waiting room and announced, “Friends and family of Normani Kordei?”

Ally shot up like a rocket, bursting with energy Lauren didn’t know she could have. She exchanged careful glances with Camila and Dinah before they all stood up as well. “She doesn’t have any family here,” Lauren explained to the doctor, still trying to be the calm one, as hard as it was. “But we’re all friends.”

“I’m her girlfriend,” Ally said, her voice only wavering slightly. Even though that hurt Lauren in the very depths of her heart, she knew it was coming all along. Ally and Normani were soul mates. She should’ve known better than to try. 

“Alright,” the doctor sighed. “Well, first of all, she’s alive.”

The four of them relaxed, Lauren letting out a shaky sigh, and another relieved sob escaping Ally’s lips. “We managed to remove the drugs from her system,” the doctor continued, and Lauren tried her best to listen even though her brain was moving at a million miles an hour. “She should make a full recovery. However-”

“The scars,” Ally blurted out. “We saw them.”

The doctor nodded sadly. “I would recommend therapy to begin with. Simply seeing a professional might help. We’ll have to keep her here for 72 hours, as we do all suicide patients, but after that she’ll be free to go.”

“Can we see her?” Dinah asked shakily.

“Yes,” the doctor said, “She woke up only a little while ago. But I’d say only one or two people at a time. She’s in the room just down the hall. You can’t miss it.”

“Thank you,” Camila said as the doctor nodded again and left, going to talk to someone else waiting. Camila turned back to the group, her eyes heavy. “Ally, you should go first.”

Lauren definitely agreed. As much as she wanted to see Normani - well, she figured she’d now made her peace with her mind. “Thank you,” Ally whispered, and practically dashed down the hallway. 

Maybe Lauren wouldn’t ever truly be happy with the way things turned out, but at least Ally was.

***

“Normani! Normani?” 

Ally ran into the room that the doctor had said Normani was in, and sure enough - there she was. She looked small, frail, and weak, but it was her. Her heart surged and leapt into her throat as she stared at Normani, and for the first time, she realized her feelings for her never really went away. She didn’t mean to break it off. She never wanted to say goodbye. 

“Allycat?” 

Normani’s voice was weak, but it was there, and it made Ally’s face light up with a smile. “Mani, baby,” Ally whispered, shakily sitting down next to the bed. “It’s good to see you.”

Normani’s eyes were only half open but Ally could see the pain clearly shining in them. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey.” Ally’s hand found Normani’s and she clasped them together, promising to never let go, not in a million years. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for, okay? I do. I’m here. I’m never leaving again.”

A flash of a smile appeared on Normani’s face, and that made it all worthwhile. “Can we…” Normani paused for a moment, but Ally squeezed her hand tighter, urging her to go on. “Can we forget about all this? Just…live normally?”

“Yes,” Ally said immediately. “I don’t think…I haven’t talked to the girls. But I don’t think that being in the band is a good thing anymore.”

Normani nodded slightly. “Thank you, Allycat.”

Ally smiled, a small laugh sounding in the air. “No. Thank you, Mani.”

“I love you. I promise.”

“I love you, too,” Ally repeated, her smile staying on her face. She hadn’t smiled this much since…before everything even began. She laid her head down, her cheek against the soft bed blankets, her hand still in Normani’s. It always would be.

“Promise.”


	10. Epilogue

Three Years Later

“Mani! Mani! Mani!”

“Whoa, hey!” Normani laughed, holding out her arms and catching Ally as she ran into the room. “Slow down! It’s only eight. In the morning.”

“Sorry,” Ally said sheepishly, her head relaxing onto Normani’s chest. “But…Dinah just called! She can come over today, too!”

“Is she bringing Siope?” Normani asked, excitement layering her voice. If Dinah could make it, that meant all five of them were finally going to be reunited. It had been a couple years since they’d all seen each other last; they’d made the final decision to stop singing, but they’d each stayed in the music industry. Normani was a producer, Ally was a vocal coach, Camila and Lauren both worked in an office setting for a music label, and Dinah was a talent-seeker, finding potential stars. She’d also guest-judged on several shows, like the X Factor, and it was always strange seeing her on the television. Although they were all very young, they had a lot of experience, and were all quite good at their jobs.

“No,” Ally said. “Siope couldn’t make it; but she’s flying out here, and so are Lauren and Camila! This is amazing, Mani Bear!”

“I know, Allycat,” Normani replied fondly, cradling Ally closer. “C’mon. We’ve got to get ready!”

Ally lifted her head slightly, scanning their apartment. “Uh…that’s going to be difficult.”

Normani laughed and cracked her knuckles, her eyes shining with happiness. “Then we’d better get started.”

***

“So, how are you doing?”

Lauren had been the first to arrive, and she and Normani had immediately gone to talk alone. They hadn’t been able to fully discuss everything, and even though they knew neither of them had any feelings left, an ending was still necessary. 

“I’m good,” Normani said, nodding. “Honest. I’m really happy now. How are you? Have you found someone?”

“Yeah, actually,” Lauren said, smiling. “He’s really great. I don’t know if it’s…like, official, but…I think that’s where it’s going.”

“I’m so happy for you!” Normani cried, and she honestly meant it. “That’s great, Lo. Really.”

“Yeah,” Lauren said, laughing a little, but then her voice turned a little more serious. “But, like, really. How are you doing?”

Normani bit her lip before saying, “I only relapsed once. But I’m good now. Ally got me to see somebody, and that actually helped.”

“I’m proud of you,” Lauren said. “I’m just sorry that I-”

“Stop,” Normani interrupted. “What happened was terrible, but it’s in the past. I’m good now. You’re good. Right?”

“Right,” Lauren said. 

“I’m proud of you, too, Lauren.”

That felt like enough for both of them.

***

“And then, this guy was like “‘I can sing and act!’ and he proceeded to recite ‘Grease’ - rather terribly - before we could get him pulled out of there!” Dinah laughed. “That’s it. That’s all my stories.”

“You have the best ones!” Camila complained, lounging back into the sofa. “Honestly. The most exciting part of my week was how the coffee machine broke down and I had to get Lauren to fix it because none of the other workers would take me seriously. I’m so young and all that.”

“Nobody takes me seriously, either,” Normani replied. “I’m only twenty, so most people I’m working with don’t think I can do anything.”

“Same,” Dinah sighed. “No offense, but I’m surprised we all got hired.”

“I think it worked out, though,” Lauren said. “I mean, we’ve all got something really good going for us.”

“You know,” Ally laughed, “Maybe the whole ‘Incident’ worked out in our favour. Imagine if we were still trying to make it as a returning band!”

They all laughed until their chests hurt. It wasn’t that they hated being in a band; it was that they knew it never would’ve worked, not the way it had gone. “We had our time,” Dinah agreed. “That’s more than a lot of people get.”

“And now you get to guest star on American Idol,” Camila smirked, playfully slapping Dinah’s arm. 

“Hey, hey!” Dinah protested. “Someone’s got to do it!”

“Oh, what a civil volunteer you are!” Lauren teased, before Ally raised her hand and started shushing them. When they all did, she turned her attention the television and raised the volume. 

A news broadcast was playing, something like CNN or something, and the news anchor was dressed in too tight clothing and had too much makeup on. “A new development in the case of Finn Evans, who is charged with the kidnapping of six teenage girls. A trial date has been scheduled…”

Normani stopped listening as she turned to look at Ally, who’s face had gone pale. “That’s him, isn’t it?” Normani whispered. Ally’s silence said enough. 

“Oh, baby,” Normani whispered, and she leaned forwards slightly to try and comfort the smaller girl, but Ally couldn’t take it any longer. Her eyes went wide and she jumped up, shaking slightly as she ran out of the room, and into their bedroom.

“I’ll go,” Normani said quickly, and the other three girls nodded. Lauren turned off the television, making the apartment fall into an eerie silence. 

“Hey, Allycat?” Normani asked quietly as she pushed open the door to the bedroom. Ally wasn’t crying, which was good, but she was huddled on the bed with her knees close to her chest. “Hey, baby, it’s okay!”

“I’m sorry,” Ally said as Normani carefully wrapped her arms around her. The flash of panic she’d got when she saw him on the television was gone, but it’s memory was still fresh in her mind. 

“It’s not your fault,” Normani replied immediately, her words whispered right into Ally’s ear. “He’s gone now, anyway. He’s in custody. They’ll charge him. He’s going to jail for what he’s done.”

“It’s just - five other people - what if they didn’t escape?”

“They did,” Normani said firmly, even if she didn’t know. “They did. Or they were found, like you were.”

They were silent for a couple minutes until Ally said, “I’m think I’m okay to go back out now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Ally said, gently standing up. Normani let her go, but one hand stayed on her back. “Let’s go.” 

Together, they walked back out to where Camila, Dinah, and Lauren were seated and Ally immediately started to apologize, but Camila stood up and gave her a huge hug. 

“It’s not your fault,” Camila whispered. That was enough for Dinah to get up and join the hug, and in a matter of seconds Normani and Lauren wrapped their arms around the other three. 

“Ah,” Dinah sighed. “Just like old times.”

“‘Cause we’re better, we’re better, you know we’re better together!’” Camila started singing and everyone laughed. 

“Wait,” Normani said. “I think…I’ll be right back!”

She ran off, leaving the other girls in a misshapen hug, like a jigsaw missing a piece, until Normani came back in holding her iPod. With a huge grin on her face, she hit the screen a couple times, the beginning lines of “Better Together” bursting out of the device. 

“You have the songs!” Dinah cried. “You kept them!”

“Of course I did!” Normani said, and then she started to sing and dance to the old routines as her part came up. Quickly, all five fell into their respective places, using ordinary objects for microphones, laughing when they forgot a step or when one of them messed up the words. 

They spent the rest of the day going through their songs, until the final one, “Who Are You” came up. “Do you want to do this one?” Ally asked them. “It’s like…really sad.”

“Yeah,” Normani said. “It’s only right. It’s one of my favourites.”

No further words were necessary. They all sat down and began to sing, their natural, full voices taking up the space, silencing everything else. Each one of them commanded the space as they sung their hearts out, each of them thinking back to the terrible things that had happened. 

When the song ended, Normani found her fingers latched in Ally’s. 

“Thank you,” they both whispered, dropping out of song for a second. 

They both knew what they were talking about. 

They stared at each other, their eyes holding all the words they’ve said, the stories they’ve shared, the dreams they’ve loved, the nightmare’s they’ve overcome, the strength and the pain of the last years, and everything they still hadn’t said, and they both opened their mouths to sing the last line. 

“‘I am still the same,’” the both whispered, harmonizing. 

That was all they would ever need to say.


	11. Missing Scene - Ally's Recovery

***For context - this takes place in the middle of Chapter Five***

_**Month One** _

Normani couldn’t fathom it. How could someone - something - hurt Ally in the way that they did? It was inhumane, on the level of pure torture. And now, the light that had once shone in Ally’s heart was gone, and Normani couldn’t get it back. Maybe that hurt worse than anything; the fact that she was helpless. 

 

Or maybe the fact that she’d betrayed her already. 

Normani woke to screams. As fast as lightning, her hand reached out and turned on the lamp she’d put beside the couch. “Ally!” she cried, jumping up and finding her way to the bedroom. She flicked on the light to find Ally sitting upright, shaking back and forth, her eyes wide open with fear. “Breathe, baby, breathe,” Normani said immediately, crouching down to be eye level with her. “C’mon, please, baby, just breathe for me.”

"I  _can’t_ ,” Ally gasped, her voice cracking. “He’s - he was - right there!  _Right there!_ ”

"He’s not," Normani said firmly, gently reaching out a hand and trying to grab Ally’s, but making her movements slow, so Ally would know it wasn’t him, it was never him. "He will never be. I’m here, though. I will always be here."

Ally started to cry, but her muscles were slowly relaxing and she opened up her arms, letting Normani pull her into her chest. Ally’s face buried into Normani’s chest and they stayed that way until the morning. Neither of them wanted to let go. 

But Normani was sure that she already had. 

_**Month Two** _

"Allycat," Normani whispered, gently running her fingers through Ally’s perfect hair, "I think…do you want to. You know. See the other girls?"

Ally’s breath hitched and for a second Normani was sure she was going to have a panic attack, but then she calmed slightly as Normani rubbed tiny circles on her back. “I don’t know,” Ally replied in a small voice. 

"I know it’s going to be difficult, no matter when it happens," Normani said, "But…they’ve been calling. They’re worried about you."

"I don’t know if I can."

"I believe in you."

"I don’t want them to see me like this."

"You’re at your strongest, right now," Normani promised. "You should be proud of all that you’ve survived."

They were silent for a short while before Ally said, “Okay.”

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Ally reluctantly let Normani stand to make the phone call. Ally didn’t see it, but as the phone rang, Normani’s eyes were squeezed shut, praying that Lauren wouldn’t answer. Camila and Dinah would probably pick up, right? Those two were always-

"Hello?"

Normani gulped. “Um. Hi, Lauren.”

"Normani? Is that you?" Lauren sounded surprised, like she honestly hadn’t expected Normani to ever call again, like she and Ally were just going to drop off the map. 

"Yeah," Normani whispered. "Look, I’m with Ally-"

"So you’re not going to talk about what happened? You’re not going to tell her? I leave you two alone when she comes back, I let you have what you want, and you can’t even tell her the truth?" Lauren’s tone was short, and angry. She had every right to be angry. Normani had crossed the line. It was her fault. Always. Her. Fault. She needed a razor. 

No. No, she didn’t. She wasn’t going to do that now that Ally was here. That was one promise she could keep. 

"I’m with Ally," Normani repeated. "Okay? And she wants you all to come over. Tell Camila and Dinah." She hung up the phone without saying goodbye, and then returned to where Ally was. 

"You’re sure you’re ready, baby?"

"It’s going to happen sooner or later."

********

"So," Dinah said. "How do you like the weather?"

Ally blinked in surprise. She’d forgotten how good Dinah was at just talking. “Uh,” she said, “Good? Warm.”

"Too warm," Camila complained. "Seriously. Can summer take a summer vacation?" Nobody said anything and she added, "Yeah, okay, bad joke, I get it."

"It’s nice to see you again," Lauren added, though she wasn’t talking to Normani. "Honestly."

"Thanks," Ally said, smiling. "You, too."

"It’s just good to hear your voice," Dinah added. "We’ve missed it."

The conversation continued from there, very slight, very gentle, and nobody raised their voice or made any sudden movements towards Ally. After an hour, the three left (promising to return later) and Ally and Normani were left alone. 

"You did great, baby," Normani whispered as she gave Ally a hug. 

"Yeah," Ally said. "I guess I did, for once."

_**Month Three** _

"This was a mistake," Normani groaned. "Oh my god, baby, I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have let-"

"Stop," Ally said. "I was the one who agreed."

Normani had asked Ally if she thought she was ready to go outside, just for an hour or two, and Ally had finally agreed. They’d gone to a cafe, and it had been really nice to just be with each other -

Until a hoard of paprazzi showed up. 

The huge crowd was waiting outside, trapping the two in the building. There were no security guards with them; instead, just a million flashing cameras between them and their car down the street. Everyone wanted to know if they were still together, even after what Ally had been through, and if the band was coming back. But none of them would move.

"We have to go," Ally said. "We can’t stay in here."

Normani slowly turned her eyes away from the mob and looked softly at Ally. “Are you sure? We can call someone.”

"We’re not a band, Mani," Ally said. "There’s no one that would come."

Although Normani hated to admt it, Ally was right. 

"Let’s go," Normani said, and she pushed the door open, grabbing onto Ally and making sure to never let her go. The paparazzi and the yelling were on them in minutes and there was nowhere to hide, not now, not ever. Neither of them said anything, and they avoided looking into the cameras just so nobody would get a good shot. 

Halfway through the crowd that just never seemed to end, Normani could feel Ally’s chest start heaving. “Please!” Normani yelled, speaking for the first time. “Move back! Please! Ally-“

Her voice was lost in the mass of screaming and she just gave up trying to do this the easy way. “Get ready,” Normani whispered to Ally, who couldn’t make herself respond. 

Swiftly, Normani scooped Ally up into her arms, and began carrying her bridal-style through the crowd. People were forced to move back, and Normani moved quickly as Ally was light. Pushing past everyone, Normani found their car and set Ally down so they could both get in. Closing the doors, Normani started the vehicle and just drove away from the mob, even if it was the wrong way home.

"Are you okay?" Normani asked immediately. 

"Yeah," Ally whispered, breathing slowly, trying to find rhythm again. "Thanks. Sorry, I-"

"Hey," Normani interrupted, "It’s fine. They crossed the line."

"Still-"

"You didn’t have a panic attack," Normani pointed out. "That’s huge."

"I really, really hope I’m done with those."

_**Month Four** _

Normani sat down at the table, sliding Ally’s coffee towards her and taking a sip of her own. “So I want to ask you something,” she said. 

"Okay," Ally agreed. She’d been doing much better, going without panic attacks the entire month. Normani would like to say she herself was doing better, too (no cuts at all), but she hadn’t told Ally and Lauren wasn’t speaking to her more than necessary. The guilt was eating her up. 

But that wasn’t what she was going to ask Ally. She couldn’t tell her that. Never. 

"I guess I’ll just say it outright," Normani sighed. "I completely understand if you don’t want to, but…do you want to tell me what happened? After he took you?"

Ally didn’t panic, which was good, but it was a while before she replied. “Yeah, okay.”

She slowly told Normani everything; from when she woke up, to the things he did to her, to how she got out. When she was done, Normani knew her life would never be the same, because now she knew people could and would be that cruel. 

"I’m so proud of you, Allycat."

And she was. 

_**Month Five** _

The razor hovered above Normani’s wrist and she fought tears that wanted to escape her eyes. The phone call she just had with Lauren kept replaying in her mind and she couldn’t let it go and it wouldn’t go and now she was here and she was just. So. Useless. 

_"Normani," Lauren said through the phone, "I’m tired of pretending."_

_"But, Lauren-"_

_"It’s killing me. And I wasn’t even the one who did something wrong."_

_"I’m so sorry, we didn’t go that far-"_

_"That’s the point," Lauren whispered. "You made your move, and then you tried to take it back. You’re still trying. It’s like - It’s like you think I’m not good enough. This is your fault. I hate to say that, I really do. I want to forgive you. Some parts of me have. But I can’t. I don’t know if you’re good enough either."_

Lauren wasn’t even being cruel. She was being honest. Brutally honest, but honest. 

Normani wasn’t good enough. 

But maybe she was good enough not to do this. For Ally. 

Her hand let go of the razor and it fell into the sink with a small clatter. She didn’t work up the courage to put it away for a long, long time. 

_**Month Six** _

"So, you’re sure?" Dinah said. "I’d love to be a band again. But. You’re all sure?"

"Yes," Ally replied immediately. She’d been doing amazing. Normani was sure she was close to being who she was. Not the same - that was impossible - but close. That was more than Normani thought she’d be able to do. "Definitely. This will be amazing."

"Okay," Camila said, smiling. "I guess - we’re Fifth Harmony again!"

"I don’t think we ever stopped being Fifth Harmony," Normani said. "Just - stuff happened."

Dinah said something but Normani wasn’t listening - instead, she was looking at Lauren, who was gesturing to say something. She wanted Normani to tell Ally. Right there. In front of everyone. 

No. Never, ever, ever. Ally had just found herself and she couldn’t take that away now. That would be cruel. 

If anyone ever found out, it would be the end of them all.


End file.
